Do you want to know what one of my greatest realizations in sobriety was?
Good. I was going to share it anyway.
It was that I was holding myself back from the life I was meant to live, and I was most likely doing it on purpose, albeit unconsciously. Does that even make sense?
It does to me. Finally. I was scared of myself. Literally.
It took me almost 2 years to realize this. I was holding myself back, staying stuck, because my soul (or Self) knew I had great potential, and a part of me was terrified of that potential.
Scared to outgrow an older version of me, because I wasn’t sure what the new one would look like. Scared of massive success, scared to be soaring to new heights, scared to face the current climate (the discomfort I had created for myself in so many areas of my life…)
Scared of what the changes in my life would be - people, places, and things.
So, I chose to stay small and continue playing and avoiding, and just be myself as I was.
But I was unhappy, and I was stuck.
The realization that life didn’t need to change drastically overnight helped me a lot, and continues to help through my process.
I have since adopted a “personal policy” of one step at a time. One foot in front of the other. One day and then the next. I do my very best to stay present in the here and now, and when I catch myself “future tripping”, I call it out by name.
It seems silly to look at this fear of great potential as a negative thing, but something tells me that I am not the only one who struggles with this.
It seems to me that there are millions upon millions of people in some kind of active addiction or numbing, and I know that they are also all filled with great potential. It seems to me that their souls are also aware of this, even if it is also stuck in the subconscious of those people.
What does it take to create a new life?
Courage is the key to change.
It is all you need to start.
A yes instead of a no.
If I don’t know how to do it, I'll figure it out.
Very basic, very simple messaging here, but this is not rocket science, and it never has been.
I believe every human has the capacity for change. It is whether they wish to seek it and at what level.
I know for myself, once I got the hang of change, it became something I was able to accept on many levels, and in all areas of my life.
I want the most abundant, brilliant, beautiful life that is available to me.
I am no longer scared of my potential, opportunities, and life plan because I trust that it will be revealed at the perfect time. I'll be ready for what is to come when it arrives. Just like I was for sobriety.
The thing that is important to know is that fighting (or resisting) the changes just sends out a message to the universe that you don’t want to reach that potential. Even if you do.
If you have a part of you that is scared to grow, sit with it. Be a friend to it. Be curious about the why and see if you can send compassion to that part.
We spend way too much time shunning the parts of us that we think are wrong or bad, or weak or small. The truth is, there are no bad parts. Our parts are there just trying to protect us in one way or another.
The only way to move past fears is to face them, so it would make sense that if there were a part or many parts of you that did not want to seek change out of fear, that you would sit and access that part of you and just show it some love.
Choosing sobriety is step one to a brilliant life. Building resiliency in all of it. What a gift.
Knowing that you are strong enough to handle whatever comes your way, that is empowering and only makes you stronger for the next challenge to come.
My sobriety has been an opportunity to become the artist of my life.
I get to re-design, build, change, and create the way I want it to look and feel.
I get to show up for all of life’s moments, big and small in a new way, and know that I bring value everywhere I go.
It is a great way to feel.
I wouldn’t trade that for a bottle of anything or the use of any substance. It's not worth the trade off.
If you are seeking coaching support on your journey, please book a call.
-ANGELA DINNELL
